Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Envy and Jealousy: Big Ugly Monsters

Cute picture isn't it? But, there is nothing cute about Jealousy.

Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harms we do, we do to ourselves. - Mitch Albom, "The Five People You Meet in Heaven"

I am sitting under the clouds of darkness, yet the sun is shining.

Why must society be made up of such hatred, jealousy, and dislike.

Though I hate to admit it, I’ve been jealous at one time or another. We all have!

However, I've never allowed my envy to turn to hatred.

Some individuals really do take the jealous thing to the utmost extremes.

I’ve seen first hand, how jealousy can develop into hateful malicious acts, abusive behavior, and false rumors.

It’s been an extremely eye-opening experience for me to see just how ugly jealousy can become.

People like this certainly don’t impress me.

Isn't it funny though that the ones who dislike you the most , spend every free moment of each waking day, talking about you. If they hated you so much, why is it that they create so much attention towards you.

You would think that they would avoid you at all cost. But, they can't and they won't. They actually think that they are getting to you. When the truth is that you are likely getting to them, more than they would like to admit.

If you weren't getting to them, then why can't they move on with their lives.

I guess some people feel the need for this unhealthy behavior because it makes them feel bigger. I guess when your life is that meaningless, you need something to fill the void.

It is a matter of jealousy and controlling really. Maybe they need someone to blame for their problems.

When you have what it takes to succeed in life and they don't, it creates jealousy. When they learn that they can't control you, it creates anger. When jealousy turns to hatred, it creates an individual who would like nothing better than to see you fail. This person will then stop at nothing to bring you down.

Further thoughts at Rose DesRochers- Web Columnist

Rose DesRochers


Daniella said...

I hear what you're saying Rose! For many years I belonged to a 12 step group and one of the many powerful teachings I gained from them was that when I hate, rage, vilify and resent other people, I'm really poisoning myself. These people that behave this way, are marinating in their own misery. For as long as they do this, they will continue to live an increasingly miserable life. Another common saying in 12 step groups... 'there but for the Grace of God go I'. Hugs Daniella

Merriam said...

You are absolutely correct by saying that a jealous person, is an insecure person. Also behind a particular person, who has been unbelievably cruel towards you, is something called "leveling." This person's leveling behavior is done it two ways. He puffs himself up to your level, in his mind, to where he feels equal or better than you. The other way he displays his leveling, is to try and tear you down to make you lower than he is. This makes him feel better and superior to you, I don't know if you have heard of Dr. Phil, but he has a PHD in psychiatry and has a daily television show here in the United States. He mentions the behavior of leveling to people who bully and insult others, out of their own insecurities.

Through out all of these senselessly cruel attacks, Rose, you have maintained your integrity, by not stooping to his level. Your accomplishments stand on their own merits. We who are active at Todays Woman, have great respect and admiration for you. The more this person rails and smears you, the more he shows his true colors. He is an insecure person, who to me seems mentally unstable, and frightening at times. Please know that this is my assessment of him and not your's Rose.

In one of his posts he mentions that he has Borderline Personality Disorder. In 1990, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I admitted myself to a facility that specialized in treating BPD and went through the program successfully faster than anyone had done before. By 1996, my psychiatrist graduated me from his care. He told me that 98% of all people with BPD never come as far as I had. In fact it is no longer a diagnosis for me. The reason why I was able to do this was two fold. One God walked me through each step of my treatment, where I spent a considerable amount of time in prayer. The other reason is, because once I saw the destructive behaviors and how they were hurting others, I vowed to the best of my ability, to never hurt people again. Since this person knows he has this disorder, it is his responsibility to change in his behaviors, make amends to those he hurts and stop the behaviors. To know he has BPD and use it as an excuse as to why he behaves like he does, means he has not come to the point where he really wants to overcome his destructive behaviors. Again I will say that, since this person has admitted he has BPD, but uses it as an excuse, means he is not ready to be accountable for his behaviors. In fact as I see it, he enjoys his cruelty. I have always said that it takes more guts for a person to look at themselves, recognize they have a problem and fix that problem, than it does to do nothing and remain in denial.

I checked out the various writing communities carefully, before I joined Todays Woman. I saw and read this person's attacks and slander, then read what you had written in your defense on Todays Woman. It was not hard at all, to know who was the victim and who was the victimizer.

It is my prayer Rose, that this person will stop his vendetta against you, your family and Todays Woman. You have remained intact and maintained your integrity, which says a lot about who you are as a person. Try and he may, Todays Woman membership grows daily. This in itself shows that people are seeing and choosing Todays Woman, and they are seeing through this persons slander, cruelty and lies. God bless you Rose.