Saturday, March 04, 2006

Bridge Over Trouble Water

Today is one of those days. You know the kind that I'm talking about. I wish life could be full of happiness, but it' not. Today I just want to go back to bed and crawl under the covers.

There'd be days like this, Momma said.
Momma said there'd be days like this,
There'd be days like this my momma said.

I just need to remind myself of that every once in a while. Especially on days like today, when a certain offspring has made me want to run away from home.

I am in the most depressing of moods. I feel like crying. Have you ever had one of those days, where you take every thing said to you, as an insult. You're just waiting for someone to say something to you, so you'd have an excuse to go postal on them.

If I've been snarky with you this week and chances are good that if we talked, I have been. I apologize.

Losing a child is the hardest thing that any parent has to go through. When you loose a child, you attend to become over protective of your other children for fear it will happen again.

My daughter died. I can’t bear the thought of losing another child.

I love my children more than anything, but it feels like that love just isn’t getting through.

These days the gap between my oldest daughter and I feels unbridgeable. I’m reminded of the song “love can build a bridge” by Naomi & Wynonna Judd.

I feel like we’ve come to that bridge, but there is a toll that one must pay to cross it. I am willing to pay whatever it takes to get across that bridge to her.

Sometimes, I wish that I could run away. I long for the harmony that was once apart of this household. I feel worn out trying to get her to understand that the relationships that she is putting herself in are unhealthy ones.

There'd be weeks like this, Momma said.
Momma said there'd be weeks like this,
There'd be weeks like this my momma said.

If only children were born with an instruction manual. I know that there will be rougher waters ahead. I just hope that she crosses that bridge. I know that I'll be here waiting on the other side, when and if she does cross it.

Rose DesRochers


Shawn DesRochers said...

We’ll the troubles where having with our teen daughter I’m sure most parents have had to face, I know that many parents say hang in, and be tough there’s light at the end of the tunnel, and choose your battles wisely - but for parents going through the ordeal now dealing with the frustrations of the choices their teens make, its not easy words to hear or bare..

We love our daughter to death, and yes sometimes they have to make their own choices, but after all the talking - - debates and even the instructional guidance it feels that where the less equals.

Today’s teens seem to vent and take their frustrations out on us parents, yet they ignore the warning signs that are ahead of them…they listen to their peers and everything we taught them seem to be thrown out the window….

We will get through this and I’m sure in time she too will see our concerns and realize what we do is out of love for her safety.


Patch said...

I find on such days that my only salvation is to turn my thoughts to others, particularly strangers, to whom I might be of service in some, often menial, way. It seems to work, but I generally need to drag myself out of bed first and that, sometimes, is just too much.

Anonymous said...

She'll only fully realize your good intentions when she is dealing with your teenage grandchildren. :)

We all have days when the underside of the blanket is the only horizon we care to see.

Someone once told me that children become obnoxious teenagers in order to make it easier for us, as parents, to allow them to fly free when the time comes. If children remained cute and adorable, like when they were small, we'd all still be living at home with our parents.

Losing a child, even one you've never met and were never able to hold, leaves an incredible hole in your heart, a hole that will never be filled until the day you meet once again.

Blessed be.

Lady An

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry my friend I know you have been going through a lot, and I want you to know I'm here for you to give you an ear or a shoulder or just a friend to tell you that they care.

I know your daughter will realize that what you do for her is out of love, and that you just want the best for her and for her to be loved and know that she can count on you and Shawn.

I know she knows and she will realize it too, and I am sorry for you having to go through this pain I am here for you always ((HUGS))