I lost my mother December 2nd 2004, after her long battle with diabetes. My mother was a strong, unselfish, funny, caring, and loving woman. She would never turn anyone away if they needed support. She was always there for me. She was the wind that guided me across a stormy sea.
Over the years, however, diabetes took its toll. She developed kidney and hearts problems and had a stroke that left her confine to a wheel chair.
We had always been close and her health had slowly declined over the course of four years. I watched diabetes take her from a 180 lb woman to a 90 lb woman.
My mother fought hard through her battle with diabetes and I was there every step of the way. It was hard to watch her endure such pain and suffering. Many times I felt helpless though just having me there was enough to give her the strength that she needed to fight.
Every time the phone rang, I thought “don’t let her died.” I don’t know if I was being selfish but I wanted my mother to live, despite knowing that she was in a great deal of pain.
I just wasn’t ready to let her go.
Being with my mother through those few years was a time of great love. It has made me look at my life differently. It made me see my husband and my children differently. I now know the true meaning of family, love, and responsibility.
My mother had a tremendous amount of courage. Her life stretched out past her doctor’s prognosis. Even the doctors couldn’t understand what gave her the willpower to keep fighting and living.
It was the relationship of mother and daughter. The close bond that we shared made her fight.
Through all my mother’s pain and suffering though, I realize that even I couldn’t understand the full extent to what she was going through or what she was thinking. I do know that she loved me and needed me as much as I love and needed her.
When I got the call on December 2nd, I knew that the night I was dreading had arrived. I rushed to be by her side at the hospital. When I entered the hospital room, it took everything in me not to cry at that moment. I talked to her and stroked her hand, telling her that God was with us, that I would be ok and that she didn’t need to fight anymore.
She looked at my brother, my husband and then into my eyes. Though she couldn’t speak, I knew she was saying “I love you, be strong.” She looked towards the hospital ceiling and then she was gone.
My tears flowed at that moment, just like they are flowing now. Those last moments in the hospital room will remain with me as long as I live.
I can't describe the pain that I still feel when I think about my Mother.
My mother taught me so much about life. She really did have the recipe for the good life. I always took refuge under her wings. With her I felt safe and loved. My brother describes our relationship as “never letting go of Mommy's apron strings." I hate to admit it but he is right.
Like everything else in life, death is not easy to accept. There are no wrong reactions to death and everyone grieves differently. No one can tell you that they understand or how long you should grieve or that they are in a better place.
Reactions can change from hours, to days, to weeks, to months. At one moment you think that you have it all together and the next moment, you find yourself crying and needing for someone, anyone to listen.
My mother played a big role in my life. I miss her. I would give anything to pick up the phone and just hear her voice on the other end. But that isn’t going to happen. I will always have my memories. Death does not take those away, which brings me to my thought of the day.
Quote:
“Love is stronger then death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.” Rose DesRochers
